i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
