I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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