I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
