I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She needs sedatives and a leash
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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