she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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