Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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