I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
