If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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