i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
