im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
