i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
