I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
