I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
