and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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