just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
