fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
