We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
my liver is dry heaving
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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