my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize