Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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