Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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