Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
