Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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