Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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