At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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