Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize