can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
