Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
