Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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