No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
