I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
