Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
