There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
