I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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