Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
