I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
