i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
