I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
