he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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