Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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