Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
