I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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