Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
