my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
