I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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