and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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