Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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