Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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