So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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