what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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