Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
