Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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