Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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