What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
