Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
it's like iHOP with fire
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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