I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
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So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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