we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
