she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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