She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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