You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
