did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
