Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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