I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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