Acid is not a monday night drug
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
