You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
