you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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