Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
