saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
