I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i out mim tonsoeep
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
