Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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