i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
