whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
