do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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