you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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